Starting Over

I guess there’s a time in everyone’s life – no matter who they are, how old they are, where they’re from – when they just have to let go of everything and start over. When, after a turning point in their life, they just have to take a step back, take a deep breath, and forget the past. When they’ve reached a catharsis, and just need to drop the extra baggage to be able to continue on without anything weighing them down.

In movies and books, the main character would probably reach the end of a proverbial/metaphorical journey, where their coming-of-age-tale would come to its close. It would leave off with the hint of a new beginning, something great ahead of the main character(s), and all would be right in their little world (or they’ll have to to accept that life isn’t perfect, but be okay with that, blah blah blah).

Yeah, that has nothing to do with this entry or me. I haven’t even read a good book or seen a good movie like that since my last entry.

But what has happened since my last:

  • Hinata hurt her leg. She yipped. I BAWWWWed.
  • I started my period. Yes, it’s just that important that you needed to know.
  • Baby died.

Let’s start with my period. It’s been quite a while since my last. For those of you who don’t know (not that there is anyone reading this to know or not know), my period is incredibly irregular. Like, a month of more without it, a month or more with. The flow is generally pretty heavy, too. I hate you, uterus and other womanly parts. I really do. If I could somehow defy nature and NOT have my period but still have kids, I would so do it.

Enough of that~

Let’s talk about Baby. Baby is the baby blackbird bird that was in our yard a few days ago. It was learning to fly, but spent most of its time grounded in our yard. Unfortunately, Baby died. I’m willing to bet it’s because of me, but everyone else says otherwise. It’s less sad to think that way, though, so that’s what I’m trying to do.

Long story short: I held Baby. I took pictures of Baby. I talked to Baby. It was hot. It wouldn’t drink anything. The mother only fed Baby once for the majority of the day. Baby died.

I’d read from various sites that you can hold a baby bird but the mother won’t abandon it or anything. And even if they did, a bird’s sense of smell is horrible so it wouldn’t have been able to tell. So, I held Baby. I tried to keep Baby in my yard, where his or her mother could find her. Once, Baby somehow made it to the front of our house out into the road. I took Baby back into our yard. Baby was incredibly cute and really easy going. The mother saw me with Baby multiple times, but didn’t seem to mind. She just sat on the fence or in a tree with a careful eye on us. Even after seeing me with Baby, the mother came by soon after to feed Baby. But, for some reason, she didn’t after that. Even when I wasn’t around and nowhere to be seen. And I always made sure to wash my hands carefully before and after holding or touching Baby, and to hold and touch her carefully, and…

Near the end of the day, Baby started acting weird. S/he would constantly tumble and fall when hopping around, and eventually couldn’t even stand properly. S/he would fall over onto her side and back, but not get up. That night, Baby died. I felt horrible. It could have been me that killed him/her. But even more horrible was the fact that Baby hadn’t even learned to fly, had never had the chance to feel the wind ruffling her feathers, the freedom of soaring through the sky…

And it was probably my fault. What kind of cruel injustice is that? If some God out there killed the Baby bird as some sort of punishment, then I don’t think they even deserve the title. Why punish something so tiny and helpless and without a speck of anything negative whatsoever about it for something I might’ve done wrong? It’s retarded. I wouldn’t kill Natasha if she and Veronica got into a fight just so I could go, “See what happens when you fight?” in Veronica’s face. You have some pretty fucked up logic if you think that’s fair or right.

I just hope Baby is enjoying whatever Afterlife s/he’s in right now.

In other less tragic, yet still sad, news, Hinata hurt her leg.

My gram was putting her back when she [Hinata] hopped out of her hand and fell on her front left paw in a bad way. She yipped for quite awhile, and I came running at the sound in a panic. I think I was more panicked and upset than Hinata herself was.

The next few hours after that passed in a flurry of ice and wet rags and trying to splint the leg and phone calls to local animal shelters. In the end, none of that did much good, but we had done the best we could at the time.

The ice and wet rags weren’t kept on that long, and did little to help. Trying to splint the leg made Hinata yip in pain, so we didn’t proceed with that. We later just wrapped it up with gauze to try and keep it a bit straight so it wouldn’t get stiff in its bent position. None of the local animal shelters were open. Her leg was swollen badly, at an odd angle, and Hinata was in horrible pain. We didn’t have any clue what to do.

Eventually, I read that a dog can take an aspirin. My mother rushed to give her an entire baby aspirin. Bad idea. I later read that a dog her size can only take about 5-15mg. We gave her the full 80mg. That much could be fatal – it could kill her, give her ulcers, or tons of other life threatening stomach problems. That, too, panicked me. The entire night, she acted oddly. Her heart beat wildly, she was woozy and dizzy and unresponsive to touch and sound. I cried more than I care to admit over the possibility of her dying because of the aspirin. I cried again later when I tried to remove the gauze so she can try and bend/move her leg, because she yipped and I had bothered her ankle-wrist.

I was hysterical during most of this, ten times more upset than she was. Thinking back, it’s kinda funny now, but at the time…

Fortunately, she’s doing fine now. The aspirin is out of her system and she is perfectly okay, except for her leg. It’s still a bit swollen and she can’t put any pressure on it, let alone walk, but we’ll be taking her to the vet in two days (the soonest we can take her because they want money up front) to have it x-rayed and taken care of if it’s broken. Now, though, we’re just trying to make her as comfortable as possible and keep her resting so that she can try and heal as best she can now. Hopefully, she just sprained the leg and it’ll be fine with some rest. Even if it’s broken, things will be okay and she’ll be walking properly again in no time.

I’m so proud of my baby for taking all of this so well and doing so good throughout. <3 Go, Hinata!

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