Okay, so I lied just a little. I didn’t update yesterday, obviously, but I am now! I’m just… half a day late. But still, it’s better than nothing, right? Look at it this way: I’ll be able to better reflect on yesterday’s events and write about them more… uh, reflectively. Or something. I forgot what my point was halfway through typing that sentence….
Anyway! Yesterday, I managed to get TIffany and Veronica into gear so that we could leave for school earlier, and arrived at around 7:20 rather than the usual 7:30 or later. So, for once, I was able to eat some breakfast at school and not have to do it at breakneck speed. I went to the library for a little while after that – validated a few stories on Luna, made sure none of my favorites had been updated in the hour since I’d last looked… haha. Stayed in the library until the warning bell then went to homeroom.
Morning passed by in its usual dull haze. I’d forgotten that I needed to finish an essay over the weekend for English, but didn’t get in trouble for it. I’ll turn it in tomorrow (as I hadn’t gone to school today; I’ll explain later). It’s all typed up now, just gotta get it printed out. Other than that, nothing exciting in the morning. Not that forgetting to do homework is exciting, but… Well, there’s just nothing else to talk about.
Lunch was the usual. Nothing new or particularly entertaining. I found out that Tiara had been given ten days out of school suspension though for the incident on Friday. The not-so-quick rundown of that is:
Chorus and Orchestra were practicing together one last time fourth period for the holiday concert that evening. Bitchy Blond Senior (whose name I still don’t know) was being… well, a bitchy blond and exerting her “authority” because she’s a senior while Tiara’s a junior. Tiara seemed to be her target for the day, apparently. But Tiara’s not exactly the type to just let it go – at the end of the period, Bitchy Blond Senior made one comment to her that was the final straw, and the next thing you know, Tiara’s on top of her punching her face in. Suddenly, Bitchy Blond Senior is Pathetic Little Fool, squealing and calling for help and pulling hair. What makes that even more funny is the fact that Pathetic Little Fool is about my size, apparently, which isn’t small at all, and Tiara’s a real tiny thing. Just a bit above 5′, probably no more than 100 lbs at best. So, Pathetic Little Fool is squealing for help now, probably having not expected Tiara to retaliate, and so Pathetic Little Fool’s friends all gang up on Tiara, including her boyfriend who’s a giant, over 6 feet tall and half as wide. I can understand coming to their friend’s rescue, but to gang up on Tiara rather then just separating the two… ugh. Tiara’s fine, though, which is the good thing, so… And at least Pathetic Little Fool got into trouble too, even if it was only three days out of school compared to Tiara’s ten.
…okay, story time over.
After lunch was orchestra, which turned out to be a free period, as both a reward for doing well at the concert, and to allow district orchestra time their own time to practice. I used this opportunity to ask to go to the “counselor’s”, which I did – for literally only two minutes to stop in to say hi to my counselor and ask about the YEA tutoring club. Afterwards, I headed up to Mrs. Farabaugh’s room to say hi to her and see if there’s anything I could do with her, but she wasn’t in. I think the note on her door said she was at Kimmel’s for most of the day. A bit of a bummer. I was hoping to get my bus sticker so I could ride the bus on the mornings that Tiffany’s being a ‘tard and won’t get up early enough to leave on time. Conveniently, though, the library is just across the hall, so went in there for a bit (my fourth time the entire year; two of which were just quick stops at the desk, and the third being only just that morning). It was my first time actually looking around the books. I ended up checking out three books, since I finally have my handy-dandy school ID to do so, with the handy-dandy ugly picture the secretary took of me.
I returned to the band room afterwards, deciding not to push my luck by wandering around anymore. I’d wasted about twenty five minutes anyway, so I’d only have to sit around doing nothing for another twenty five. I sat with Jess the rest of the period, talking about her weirdo teacher that gave her the stink eye when she wrote a poem about suicide, despite the fact that it was one of the themes assigned. We talked a little about her idea to weave key chains, bracelets, and other things with plastic strings to sell after school for a few bucks for a little, too. And we also talked about… uh… I really don’t remember. Well, whatever. We talked, the rest of the period passed uneventfully, and it was time for American History. Let’s all do the American History dance in celebration now!
Well, you all suck.
Class consisted of taking some notes and then analyzing some political cartoons from the FDR/depression era. Partnered up with a girl from orchestra that I never talk to, turns out she’s pretty cool. I think I may have been upgraded from Weird Silent Fat Girl to plain ol’ Fat Girl in her book, so that’s an improvement, I suppose. And, guess what? I’m so proud of myself. I actually volunteered to go up in front of the class, by myself, to talk about the comic I looked at with her. She didn’t want to go up, but I was fine with that. Just wanted to see if I could, you know, do it without passing out and bouncing my head off the floor. And I succeeded! Go me. The teacher, Mrs. Kline, likes me I think, because I’m one of the only kids to consistently participate in class and raise my hand and stuff. On my report, she put, “Utilizes a higher level of thinking and analytical skills and a pleasure to have in class.” Then again, compared to the people in this class, of course I’d be utilizing a higher level of everything compared to them. This is a normal level American History class we’re talking about. I’m not saying they’re all dumb as bricks or anything, just… below my level. I should be in Honors or AP World History, but noooo…. I’m a retard who screws up and I’ve landed myself here. But that’s okay. Less stressful, and less stress means I get to school, which means I actually pass this year without failing again and… it’s just better. Doesn’t make it any more boring with how /easy/ it all is.
Anyway, will be doing some more extra credit for this class – analyzing some more comics on my own, doing a propaganda poster of WWII – and hopefully that’ll make up for all of the work I missed and couldn’t make up earlier this marking period.
Sixth period was sixth period. Gym, volleyball, you know. I managed to hit both the volleyball and my glasses in one shot, though. Both went flying – the ball over the next, my glasses to the floor, where the glass on one side popped out. I had to go up to the nurse – first to the one a floor above us, who turned out not to be in, then to the one all the way in the other building and down a floor. Aaaand… that’s about it for gym.
Seventh period study hall was a little less dull than usual. I actually had something to do – I made up a worksheet for History and took a test to get myself some more points. I took the test as an alternative to two worksheets I needed to makeup because she didn’t have any more copies of it. I hope I did well on it – it was the chapter 10 test, and I wasn’t here for any of chapter ten, which was about WWI. To be honest, I know very little about WWI. There’s always been so much focus on WWII throughout school and I just… never remembered anything about WWI. I guess I should, though, huh?
Aaaand… that’s it. School’s over. Time to go home. Yay! My day was really exciting, wasn’t it?
Today, there was supposed to be two tests I had to take – one in science and one on the Alphabet programs in History, but… well, no school for me. I had planned to go in just a bit late because… well, because I felt like it. And because I was feeling tired and sick – I’m losing my voice and I sound like a man. I was going to go in during lunch, but I guess it was decided for me that I’d just stay home the whole day because no one woke me up. Damn it. If I keep missing, I really am going to fail… and this time, it wasn’t entirely my fault, so THERE!
I should probably call Megan sometime tonight. I called her a few days ago, but she wasn’t there so I left a message. She called back a few times on Friday, but I wasn’t there because I was at the holiday concert. Apparently, she also called back a few more times during the weekend and I wasn’t told, and I’m horrible at calling others back, so… I didn’t call back during the weekend. D: Like, I plan to and all, but then I get distracted, or figure I’ll do it a little later, and… the next thing I know, the weekend’s over and I’m all, “Fuck!”
So, yeah, call Megan in an hour or two. She’s usually with Ryan right after school, so… If I call, Ryan will give her hell. “You don’t care about me! Always talking to your friends and blah blah blah…” Fuck, he gets so annoying. Ryan, you’re cool and all, but a little too… uh, creepy and stalkerish in those respects. Megan needs to have her own life, you know? She’s Megan, not just “Ryan’s girlfriend”. He say things like, “You don’t love me, I don’t know why I’m with you.” or “You’re cheating on me, aren’t you? Fuck this.” or “Megan, you hurt me so much sometimes, why do you do that?” It’s so upsetting. He’s always saying and doing things to make her feel so guilty, feel so upset, like she’s the bad guy in the situation whenever she wants to hang out with her friends or do something that doesn’t involve him. No matter what she does, he always seems to find a reason to be pissy about it and make her upset. One of the last times I stayed at her house, she was supposed to call him to say goodnight or whatever, and did so about fifteen minutes late.
…she cried and sobbed on the phone to him, saying sorry and pleading with him to stop for at least a half an hour, and continued crying for some time after that.
I just… I don’t know what to do. She says she loves him so much, cares for him so much, and he seems alright most of the time, but then he does something like that… It’s ridiculous. Megan says it’s because he’s “been in bad relationships before and he’s been hurt”, but fuck. He’s only sixteen. I’m sorry, but it just doesn’t seem plausible to me that in the short sixteen years of his life he’s been hurt so bad that he has to verbally abuse Megan, who he claims is the best thing to ever happen to him. I’m not saying it’s not possible, but… well, if you met him, he’s not exactly what you’d call the traumatized teen with horrible relationship experience.
I don’t doubt her when she says she loves him – he is her first for everything. Her first real boyfriend, her first real kiss, her first- well, you get the picture, but… I’m still thinking that it’s just not working out. I don’t know. They’ve been together for nearly two years now, so I can see that maybe it’s hard to break up with someone you’ve been with for so long, and it makes it harder knowing it’s your first love, but… At this rate, I think it’s going to turn out that Ryan gets bored with her and breaks up with her, and she’ll be hurting even worse. I want to say to her, “I know you really love him, and I don’t doubt that, but… Do you think maybe you’re just sticking with him because he’s your first love, and not because the relationship is really working out?” but I’m afraid of her reaction.
I don’t think she’d ever do something like break off our friendship, but I’m still afraid. That’s a selfish reason, I know, but… I’m also afraid that she’ll feel like she’s being pressured into choosing between her friends [me] and him, and I don’t want that. I don’t want her to hurt anymore. She’s my best friend, I want her to be happy, and she seems like it most of the time but… that night when I heard her sobbing and pleading to him on the phone…. And how she so casually, tiredly said to me afterwards, “It’s okay, this happens all the time, I’m used to it.”
Gah. Moving on… topic too emotional, too tired, and just… blah.
So, uh, next year, I’m thinking of trying to start my own club at school. An anime/manga club, which our school so dearly lacks. I know a lot of people that would be happy to help and join. Plus, something like that on my transcript would look nice, right? Victoria Perini: active in school clubs, but also started one of her own! Wow, adur, she must be smeeeert.
But it sounds really fun. I hope there’s a way for me to do it. That would be extremely awesome.
Also: New Years party at Sarah G’s. A boy-girl sleep over party, oh my! Haha. I can only imagine what my gram thinks of it. In her mind, it’s probably some giant teenage orgy party or something. xD But I’ll go, I’ll be sure of that~
Speaking of orgies, I feel so left out. D: Not… left out of orgies. Ugh. Well, I was thinking orgies = sex = boy = boyfriend = what I don’t have. And not that having a boyfriend is all about sex or… gah. Let me start over.
I feel left out of the boyfriend loop. I feel… pathetic. Never had a boyfriend, never had my first kiss, and I’m almost seventeen. I feel like I’m going to be a 50 year old virgin cat lady or something. I mean, I know that when someone comes along that’s right for me, it’ll happen, but… I feel so pressured, like I /have/ to have a boyfriend or something, like I’m some freak for not being in on the dating game. (Example: Ryan says, “Vicky, we need to get you a boyfriend.” And oh, how it gets to me, even if I know he’s just partly saying it so he can try and prevent me from spending what little time with Megan I already do.)
Well, you know what, society? Maybe I will be a 50 year old virgin cat lady. My kitties will always love me. They won’t break up with me, hurt me, force me into anything, or be complete assholes who try to keep me from my friends. It would be the perfect life. So HA!